you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
