I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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