and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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