Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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