i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
