Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
