is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
