I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
