youre lurking in front of me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
