Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
