he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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