Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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