and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
