i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
