Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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