so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
