I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
