I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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