he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
