I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
