its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
