If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
