Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
