i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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