Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
