3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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