Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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