So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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