So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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