If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
