I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
