Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
