I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
