what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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