I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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