well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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