apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
