bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
