tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
