Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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