last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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