I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
