Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
