Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
