I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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