Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
