I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
