Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
