Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
