May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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