I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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