they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
