Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
