maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
