The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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