if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
